Family. It can be a difficult subject to write about. The term family alone makes for a broad and intimidating subject. There are so many ways to go about it, and being too vague, too specific, or feeling like you just have wrong things to say to summarize something so near to heart is daunting. But this essay has been something leaning on my heart for a while, and I wanted to give it the time and space it needed on the page. So here are my imperfect words that have led to more questions than answers at the moment.
A lineage of strong hearts
The women in my family are strong-willed and strong-hearted. They love strong. They work strong. They live strong. They intended to make their way through this life, no matter what it brings them. They’re caretakers, both of those they know and strangers. They carve a way for themselves out of this world. It’s their nature.
Among many things, my grandmother was a seamstress. She learned how to stitch clothes by making a handmade wardrobe for her Barbie out of scrap fabric. It turned into sewing for her family and herself. She sewed for big companies and once start had a small business for sewing for brides-to-be, mending dresses and hems of pants. She sewed for her children, making them denim shirts and jackets when they were high fashion. She sews for her church. Her grandkids. She is a creator of fabric and she’s made the most beautiful pieces. There is always at least one room in her house filled with swatches of fabric and threads and projects she’s been working on.
My mom has so many skills I can’t even name them all here. She was a homeschool teacher, teaching my brother and me from elementary through high school. She owns her own business, starting from the ground and working her way up. She takes care of her family and has always helped friends and family beyond the extra mile. She remodels homes, not afraid to do the hard work and get her hand dirty. Hand-sanding a wooden floor that was a century-old until her arms were jello. She is strong and she loves strong.
The women in my family have strong hearts that guide them and strong will that see them through. From my grandmother to my mom, to those before them.
I look through old family photos, some black and white, going far back to women I’ve never known and never met. Some I don’t even know their names, but yet I wonder what their strong hearts and wills led them, I wonder what they created with their life. That they passed down to their families.
I’m apart of these women, and lately, I’ve wondered where my place is as the next generation. How am I going to make my way with the lineage of strong hearts behind me? I have a heart that I know is apart of the strong hearts my family brings to the table?
Where they have grown their roots, I’m growing mine, but at the same time, carving my path just like they did. They’ve passed on this beating heart, the strong will, determination, and what I’m going to do with it I’m just finding out.
Not only do I have a strong will, but I also have people-pleasing in my blood. I want to please people even if it means sometimes going against my own believes, motivations, or goals. These sides, the strong-willed and the people-pleasing clash. A lot. Occasionally there are little whispers I hear that make me wonder if my journey through this wilderness, will be enough. But I’m determined to bring my story, heart, and words to the table.
I hope this same blood pumping through my body will be just as strong and loving in this generation and the previous.
Stuff I’m into RN
To Read
The Thursday Murder Club by Richard Osman — I’ve only just crossed over into part two of this book last night, but I have to recommend it. This book is fulfilling my love for both mysteries and character drive stories. The mystery will pull you in but it’s the characters and unlikely friends Ron, Joyce, Ibrahim, and Elizabeth who will keep you reading. If you’re looking for a curl-up-and-read mystery novel on a weekend afternoon, let this be the one.
Dehumanizing Always Starts With Language by Brené Brown — Brené Brown is so good with words, and this blog post of hers resonated with me this weekend. Although it was written posted several years ago, I still find the topic prevalent and important now.
To Listen
Katherine May, How ‘Wintering’ Replenishes (On Being) — In my last newsletter, I suggested the book Wintering by Katherine May. This week, one of my favorite podcasts On Being released an episode where May and Krista Tippett talk about the book and it’s oh so lovely.
To Cook
Half Baked Harvest Super Simple cookbook — I’ve been cooking recipes from this cookbook lately and I’ve been satisfied with all the outcomes, especially their recipe for broccoli cheddar soup. It’s better than Panera and super simple to whip up. If you’re not into buying another cookbook, the Half Baked Harvest blog has loads of great recipes too, I’ve saved the crispy roasted cauliflower with creamy pesto pasta in hopes to try it sometime this week.
The Mixtape
The January Mixtape is still alive and well. I hope you’ve been enjoying the tunes from Joseph, Margaret Glaspy, Maggie Rogers, Gregory Alan Isakov, and the like. As I’m curating February’s playlist, I’m curious to hear if you had any songs you’ve been listening to and loved lately? I’m always looking for music recommendations. Feel free to leave a comment on the email thread or DM me on Instagram, @itsmeganelaine.
Moving into the week with these sentiments in mind…